Make The Time

Spouses are supposed to be partners. Supposed to be on the same team. Supposed to be one unit.

For us, it's easy to slip into the rut of roommates. Or passing ships. Or worse, judgmental acquaintances. 

This guy has some great articles on marriage. Click on the image to be taken to his site.

Now that we have identified a problem, let's do something about it. 

Stu and I know our time with each other has to be deliberate. It has to be purposeful. It has to be meaningful. So often in marriage, we give our spouse the leftovers... he gets the exhausted, grumpy wife because I gave most of myself to the kids all day. The opposite is true... he gives his clients so much of himself that I am joined late at night by a grumbling, stressed out zombie. 

Neither one is ok. 

So what do we do about it? I mean, he has to work. And I cannot withhold love and attention to the offspring during the day. We can't erase our days, can we? No, we can't skimp on our daytime responsibilities in order to be decent nighttime partners. 

In my opinion, it is the little things that make the biggest difference. 

For me, it's not going the entire day without Stu communication. I need him to reach out to me during the day - something easy, like a phone or two call when he's in the car driving, a kiss and a hug before he leaves in the morning. 

For him, I send him texts during the day - pics of the kids, an "I love you" message, an encouraging word or two about how awesome he is for working hard. 

I think when we reach out to each other during the day, as brief and boring as the calls may be, it is enough to strengthen the bond. That bit during the day, when we have energy, is a great connection. It is enough to help me feel secure that the zombie who comes home at night does love me. I find I don't need as much at night from him when I get pieces of him during the day.